Abyss
by zippystripe
Summary: Ste & Brendan meet as children. AU. Mostly platonic with mentions of abuse, nothing explicit though.


Silly (pretty much platonic) oneshot thing. Ste and Brendan meet as children. Some discussions of abuse but nothing sexual or explicit.

Word count: 4184

Brendan glanced over his shoulder as he stood at the open back door to take one last look at his father for the evening. He could see him through the doorway; Seamus was passed out drunk on the sofa, snoring, the horse racing commentator nattering away indecipherably in front of him. Cheryl's ma had gone to bed a while ago and his baby sister had been sound asleep in her own room when Brendan had last checked.

He was a free agent. For tonight at least.

He stepped out the back door and slowly closed it behind him, making sure he didn't knock anything over in the process or make too much noise. The sky was a deep purple with just a few streaks of light cutting through the clouds on the horizon, but it was otherwise dark. He shivered a little as he walked around the side of the house to the street in front of it, rubbing his arms as his teeth chattered a little and goosebumps appeared on his skin. He was wearing the thick brown jumper Nana Flo had knitted for him at Christmas, but even that wasn't enough to protect him from the cold.

His shoes scraped on the pavement a little, and he winced as he looked up at the street light that was shining above him, his eyes narrowing a little bit, and did what he usually did. He counted how many street lights there were ahead, remembering that he needed to pass six of them before he changed direction and walked down the little dead-end road that led to the park.

He found it eventually and slipped through the gap in the houses to where the path turned sharply left and led to a set of swings. Puffing out a breath, he sat down on one of them and looked out into the darkness of the green in front of him. He remembered there having been a large hill beside the path before it gave way to a downward slope, lined with three ash trees with winding branches that he, Pete, Lynsey and Malachy had been climbing the previous week when they'd discovered this place - it was so well hidden that he hadn't even known it was there. He was having the most fun he'd had in ages before he'd had to help Cheryl down because she'd tried to impress Malachy and ended up with a large cut along her calf and a massive hole in her tights. He'd taken her home, put some Germolene and a plaster on it while she sat on the toilet seat sniffing, and then made her promise not to wear skirts until it healed so Malachy wouldn't think she was weird for still using dinosaur print plasters. She'd nodded vigorously, and then grinned at him, and Brendan almost forgot about the beating he'd get from his dad if he ever found out.

It was the first time he'd come here at night though. He'd snuck out at night plenty of times, sure, but he'd never come here at night. Not many people really would, given how dark the place was - it wasn't lit up at night and there were enough slopes and hills that you could probably break a few bones if you didn't know where you were going. He wasn't one to be careful though. He liked living on the edge.

Nonetheless, he swung a little on the swing, leaning on his tip toes to push himself back before he slowly came back down. He did this a few times before he began to spin on it slowly so the chains started to twist above his head, and he looked up at them through the dim light provided from the house behind him. He let it go and bent his knees so it unwound rapidly, making him spin around fast. It swung a few times from side to side before it finally stopped and Brendan tilted his head back with a grin, feeling a little dizzy.

Without giving himself a break, he began to push back on the swing. But instead of slowing down before he could swing forwards, this time he allowed gravity to do its work. He grinned as he swung forward and used his legs to propel himself higher. The swing structure creaked and groaned as he swung backwards and forwards, and he felt the dizziness and disorientation take over his mind. When he closed his eyes, it felt like he was flying. It felt like being Superman.

He dragged his legs on the gravel and tried to slow the swing down when he opened his eyes and saw something move in the darkness. He looked about himself wildly in alarm.

"Who's there?!" He called out into the darkness. There was no response. He was about to get up and bolt when a figure emerged from the darkness and into the barely-there light that fell over the swing set from the house on the street behind.

Brendan breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the figure was not an axe-weilding maniac but a boy who looked a little younger than him. "Jesus!" He panted, clutching his chest. "You scared the hell out of me!"

"Sorreh," came the reply. It didn't take long for Brendan to notice that this boy was not from round here. "I just wondered who was the on the swings, 'cause I could hear 'em from the other side of the park."

"How did you find your way from there? How did you even get there?" He asked incredulously. "You can't see shit out here."

"There is another entrance y'know. At the back, there's a gate and then there's a field with a path across it. I came in from there. And then I used this to find my way, but it broke before I got 'ere." He explained, shaking a silver torch in his hand. "It usually starts workin' again if you shake it..." He mumbled.

"Oh. Well what are you doin' here anyway? Aren't you a little young to be out on your own at night?"

"As if!" The boy replied, screwing his face up. "You look like you're the same age as me! What year you in at school?"

Brendan sneered arrogantly. "I'm twelve. What are you, six?"

"Pfft! I'm ten you idiot!" He said before letting out the most ridiculous laugh Brendan had ever heard. And he thought his sister's laugh was weird.

The other boy walked up to the other swing and sat down on it, rocking himself on it absently and shoving his torch back into the large pocket of his hoodie. "You didn't answer my question, by the way. What are you doing in my park?" He said with a frown, and turned to glare at the boy.

"_Your_ park?" The boy said with a scowl. "You do know it's a public park, right? You don't own it."

"Yeah, well, I do now. So get lost." Brendan snapped, intensifying his glare.

"No."

Brendan furrowed his brow and stood up from the swing, the chain of it jostling a little with the sudden movement. He walked over to the other boy and grabbed the front of his hoodie, picking him up from the swing. The younger lad looked surprised for a moment, and closed his eyes, turning his head away. Brendan raised his fist and stared into his face. It was only from this close up that he realised that the other boy already had a black eye and a split lip.

"How did that happen?" He asked incredulously, and the other boy looked up from where he had flinched away.

"It's none of your business alright!" He answered, pushing the older boy away with surprising strength and shrugging his oversized hoodie back into place. It was quiet for a minute before he went and sat back on the swing again. "And I ain't leavin', I've been comin' here for weeks now and I ain't gonna leave just because of some bully." He growled.

Brendan felt a little guilty now, something which he hadn't felt for some time. He knew exactly where those marks had come from and somehow felt a wave of protectiveness over the boy - something he only really felt for his baby sister and Lynsey.

He went and sat back on his swing sheepishly, burying his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "Sorry," he replied. "I just like how secret this place is."

The other boy didn't reply for a minute, and instead he swung on the swing a bit. "Me too," he replied quietly.

"It's hard to find peace anywhere else," Brendan said, staring at the ground absent-mindedly.

He felt the other boy's gaze on him, and he turned to glance at him. In the dim light he could just make out his features. He had a short mop of what looked like fair hair atop his head and fine eyebrows, one of which was a little bit cut. His eyes were light coloured and shone a little in the dim light and his nose was slightly pointed. His eyelashes were girlishly long and cast large shadows over his cheeks, which still seemed to have a decent amount of baby fat on them. His body looked swamped in his council estate rags; he wore a dark hoodie and a pair of tracksuit pants with three white stripes down the sides, and a pair of rather tatty-looking trainers. He was so busy taking in the boy's appearance that he almost didn't hear him asking what his name was.

"Brendan," he replied after a moment, "I'm Brendan Brady."

The younger boy blinked and then a look of realisation took over his features. "Brady? Are you Cheryl's big brother?" He asked. The way he said it sounded funny to Brendan's ears - 'Bradeh'. What a weird accent.

"Yeah," Brendan replied, narrowing his eyes, "how do you know her?" If he said it was because he fancied her...

"We're just friends at school," he replied, "we're in the same year. Sometimes we play pranks on the girls who pick on her. We glued all the pages of Marie Murphy's maths book together and then glued it to the table 'cause she always makes fun of Cheryl in P.E. She got in well loads of trouble, she had to do it all again." He explained, before laughing that ridiculous laugh again.

Brendan smiled. It was nice to know that there was someone looking out for his sister now that they weren't at the same school anymore. "Hm," he said after a minute. "What's yours?" He asked.

"You what?"

"Your name. What is it."

"Steven Hay, but everyone calls me Ste."

"I prefer Steven," he said.

Steven gave him a weird look but then shook his head and dug into his pockets to fish out a white paper bag of what looked like pick 'n' mix. He held the bag out to Brendan, who looked at him oddly.

He rustled the bag in his palm. "Strawberry bonbons. I nicked 'em for Amy Barnes for Valentine's Day but she didn't want to know."

Brendan looked at him oddly and then took one cautiously. "Nicked them?" He asked, eating it.

"Yeah," Ste replied, chewing noisily.

"Do you make a habit of that?" He asked. "No wonder she didn't want to know."

Ste frowned at him. "Oi! She's no angel either. And neither are you if you go 'round punchin' people before you even know their name."

"Hm." He had a point, really. Brendan was scum, he knew this already.

It was quiet again and then Ste seemed to consider him. "I like your jumper," he said, looking at it.

"Oh," he said, "my nana made it for me." Then he mentally kicked himself for sounding like such a baby.

"It's nice," he said, "my nana don't make me much. I don't see her anymore though; her and me mam don't get along you see. Although she did give me twenty quid for my birthday last year. That was before we moved. I'm from Manchester."

God, he talked a lot. But strangely, Brendan didn't want to stop him, so he asked: "why did you move?"

Ste went quiet again, and Brendan thought he might have touched a sensitive area. "Me stepdad got into some trouble with the wrong people. Said we needed to move away for a bit. I don't know if I'm staying though. I'd like to."

"How come?"

He shrugged and went back to eating the sweets in the bag. "'Just prefer it here, is all."

"Is your stepdad the one who gave you the black eye?"

Ste didn't answer at first, but then he looked away. "Yeah - no - I mean- you wouldn't understand." He snapped in a low voice. "It's complicated..."

"I think I would," he replied.

"How?"

"...Because my da hits me too." Brendan admitted quietly.

Ste looked at him in surprise but he muted it to speak again. "Really?" He whispered, almost inaudibly.

"Yeah." Brendan lifted his jumper to show him a dark bruise the size of Ste's hand that covered his midriff and chest on the left side.

Ste gasped. "Oh my god," he said, "doesn't that hurt?"

"I'm used to it," he replied, his voice flat, and pulled his jumper down again.

"Have you ever told anyone?" He asked quietly.

"No, and I don't plan to, so don't go blabbing your big mouth all over the place!"

"Alright!"

There was a short, sad silence and then Ste stood up, dusted off his jeans and fished the flashlight out of his pocket again. "Get up, I wanna show you something."

"What?"

"Just get up!"

Brendan stood and watched while Ste got on his knees and began whacking the torch against the slightly damp ground repeatedly until it flickered on, and then he shone it over the green. Ste began to walk down the hill and slid a little as they went down a small slope, and then they made their way across the park, bickering all the way.

"Just shurrup, will yer?!" Ste yelled as he reached the gate. "Just trust me, I'm not leading you to a murderer or anything."

"Fine, but I'm feckin' freezin' so hurry up and show me whatever it is you're on about."

"Bloody hell, have you ever heard of patience, Brendan?" Ste mumbled as he lead them through the gate and down the path, but instead of going through the route he came, he walked them to where the path led to a river. Shining the light out across the water, Ste could see that the tide was fully in, so they wouldn't have to worry about it suddenly coming in and surrounding them or anything.

"Perfect," he said with a smile, and then parked himself on the grassy bank of the river. "Come on then, sit down." He patted the space next to him and shined the torch up in his face.

"Why have you brought me here?" Brendan asked, giving him a funny look as he sat down.

"'Cause it's secret," Ste replied, looking up at him and grinning.

Brendan smiled in response.

"Even more secret than that park over there. No one ever comes here, except me and the odd dog walker," he explained, and suddenly sighed and laid down on his back.

"Why did you tell me about it then?" He asked, leaning back on his hands.

Ste was quiet for a minute before he began talking again. "Because... because you're like me." He replied. "Because you know what it's like... to feel like every moment of your life is a mess, like you constantly have to walk on eggshells around people. Like you have to put up a front for them so you don't show any weakness." He paused again for a moment, sighing and closing his eyes peacefully. "It's nice to just let it go for a while. And no one's ever here, so you can just... like, be, if that makes sense. You don't have to worry about any of that shit."

Brendan was quiet but then he looked over at the other boy and twisted his mouth a little in thought. Ste was laying there, serene, his arms tucked behind his head and his lips slightly parted. He wondered if he'd be able to join him in that moment, if only for a while.

_'Because you're like me' _...Really? Usually Brendan would've ignored something like that - no one was like him. No one understood him. He was Brendan Brady. He was Seamus Brady's boy. But maybe... maybe Steven did. His dad beat him up too. And he was the first person who'd really had the balls to sass him back. He showed him kindness even though Brendan had been horrible to him at first. Brendan didn't think he would tell him everything that went on at home, because really he didn't even know what to make of most of it. He didn't know how to put words to the things that happened after he went to bed; had no idea how he would even begin to put it into words, so he remained silent.

Taking a deep breath and squeezing his eyes shut, he suddenly leaned down and placed a quick kiss on his lips, before he pulled away just as quickly and hugged his knees to his chest.

"What was that?!" Ste exclaimed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Sorry," he replied, looking back at him, panicked for a moment. He panted a little and looked about wildly, a blush staining his cheeks. "If you tell anyone I'll break your jaw!" He suddenly shouted, and stood to run away. No such luck.

"Brendan! Brendan wait!" Ste called, running after him.

"Get lost!" He shouted, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He'd been so wrong about him. He thought he'd finally found someone just like him, but he'd been wrong.

"Please! I was just surprised!" Ste grabbed his arm and Brendan went to punch him, but he was stopped by Ste grabbing his fist and holding it. "It's okay!" He said, looking him in the face. "I didn't mean to upset ya, I just... I just wanted it to be okay."

Brendan calmed down again and lowered his fist, but he didn't pull it out of the other boy's grip.

"Is it really okay?" He asked quietly.

"It's fine," he answered.

He was silent for a beat, but then he released his grip where he'd grabbed Brendan's arm and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. "It wasn't that bad." He mumbled, blushing a bit.

"Really?" Brendan asked quietly, cautiously.

"Yeah."

It was awkward between them for a moment, because they were just standing there, sort of holding hands and acting a bit like girls. He heard his father's voice echo in his ears.

'_Brenda'_

He was about to whip his hand away and storm off, but Steven just took him by the hand and led him back to where they had been sitting, still silent save for the distant rustling of trees and the sound of the waves of the river lapping against the bank. He sat them down again and then laid back like he had before, sighing. Brendan sat down beside him and laid out too, looking up at the sky.

They sat in peaceful silence for a while and Brendan closed his eyes like Steven had, emptying his mind. It was nice. He hadn't felt like this for a while. Steven was right. It was nice to be able to mute everything, if only temporarily.

"I wish I knew about stars," Steven said suddenly, breaking the silence.

"You what?"

"Stars. You know like the con- correlations?"

"Constellations," Brendan corrected.

"Yeah, them."

Brendan was quiet for a minute, and then he opened his eyes, staring up at the thousands of tiny white dots in the sky.

He pointed up when he managed to find one. "You see that one there?" He asked, "that one's called Columba."

"Which one?"

"That one," Brendan said.

"I can't tell," Ste replied, squinting.

Brendan sighed impatiently and leaned his head against Ste's so their line of sight was the same, and then took his hand, drawing out imaginary lines with his own hand wrapped around it. "There's six stars. You see those two? If you join them to that big one between them, they look like wings." He explained. "Do you see?"

Ste gasped. "Oh yeah!"

"Do you know why they call it Columba?"

"No."

"Because 'Columba' means dove. It's meant to be Noah's dove."

"Oh."

"There used to be another constellation near it that was meant to be like Noah's Ark, but it was split up into lots of little constellations."

"How do you know about stars?"

"You mean astronomy?" Brendan asked, lowering their hands but not letting go of Ste's.

"Yeah, that."

"I read a book about it at school. You should get into it," Brendan added.

Ste laughed. "I'm not smart enough, me. All me teachers say I'm stupid," he said, without much emotion behind the words, as if he'd just accepted it.

Brendan snorted. "Some teachers," he replied. "Can't be all that good themselves if they call you stupid. You shouldn't listen to people who write others off like that, Steven."

Ste was quiet, but then he felt him lock their fingers together where they were rested on Brendan's abdomen. It was convenient that Brendan was left handed and Ste wasn't, because he hadn't had to lean across awkwardly to point the constellation out.

He blushed and looked down, but Ste just turned his head towards Brendan's so his nose pressed into his cheek. The younger boy squeezed his hand until Brendan tentatively turned his head towards him, and then placed a kiss on his mouth like Brendan had done to him.

Brendan's face felt like it was on fire in embarrassment, but Ste just grinned. Steven's lips had been a little bit sticky where he'd been eating the sweets earlier, and now Brendan's were too. He licked his lips and screwed his face up as if he was disgusted, but truthfully he didn't really mind. Ste giggled at him through the light of the torch. "You're a lot nicer than everyone said you were, Brendan," he whispered, and the older boy looked away in embarrassment, his heart pounding away in his chest.

"Yeah, well, if you tell anyone I'll kick your face in!" He snapped.

Ste just laughed at him again.

"I mean it!"

"Alright!" He sighed in exasperation.

They lay on the floor for a while longer, neither one of them releasing the other's hand, but just enjoying the silence for a bit. Brendan was pointing out the constellation of Gemini to him when he felt a droplet of rain hit him on the thigh, and then another one on his cheek.

"Shit, it's raining," Ste said.

"We should probably be getting home now, anyway," Brendan replied, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. He stood up, dusted the dirt from his backside and then extended a hand towards the younger boy to help him up.

Ste took his hand and straightened his back as he stood, his spine cracking back into place. "Can we see each other again?" He asked hopefully.

"Maybe. I don't even know where you live, though."

"I live on the estate over there, number twenty-eight Fern Street," Ste said, shining the torch in the general direction of the housing estate he lived on. "I know where Cheryl lives though, so I can just come knock for you."

"Yeah," Brendan said sheepishly.

"You can have the torch. You'll need it to find your way back. I know my way back from here off by heart."

Brendan smiled and took it. "You sure? I could always walk you home with it then go home myself," he said.

"Nah, it's alright. Actually, me mam might have woken up by now... she passed out this afternoon and Terry went to bed before I went out, so I'd best be back quick." He explained.

"Okay. Come round on Saturday, Seamus is usually out all day at the pub on the weekends."

"Okay."

It was awkward for a minute, but then Ste placed another peck on Brendan's mouth and turned to walk away. Brendan watched him retreat across the field, shining the torch over him until he saw him get on the path and walk through the gate at the other end, the street light from the estate providing enough light for him to see him do so.

When he was sure he was okay, he turned to walk home himself, navigating through the abyss of the park and back down his road, slipping through the still unlocked backdoor and his snoring father, back to his bedroom to change out of his damp clothes and then slid under the covers. He licked over his lips and tasted strawberry.

Then he blushed, grinned, and curled up to go to sleep.


End file.
